balancing gratitude and love with greater awareness

Today is a colonial holiday known as Thanksgiving and day of mourning. I hope however we spend the day, we can ask ourselves: How can we invite curiosity about a fuller acknowledgement of the past? And, what has been the impact in your soul/spirit/community of an annual “holiday” that largely erases the violent history towards Native American/ Indigenous communities and political dynamics that lead to its creation as a “holiday” in the first place?

There are things that work and don’t work about our lives and shared humanity. Peaking behind the curtain at the historical context behind narratives and traditions we participate in is one way to connect the dots between our experiences, what happens around us, and actions we can take going forward.

As we sit with this year, there’s much we may be personally holding. Moments we can be proud of. Moments we were courageous. Moments we interrupted something that didn’t feel right. Moments we were afraid. Moments we decided to affirm something important to us. Moments we endured discomfort and repeated maladaptive patterns that don’t serve us. Moments we told someone how we feel. Moments we felt a change in a relationship. Moments we felt inspired. Moments someone we loved died. Moments we choose a book instead of tv. Moments we choose tv. Moments we choose our peace. Moments we entered into community. Moments we stayed home. Moments we said yes to a desire. Moments we asked for support. Moments we cried. Moments we felt hopeless. Moments we felt loved. So many beautiful, evolving, heart-wrenching, and changing moments.

This past Saturday night was a moment that someone decided to take action to harm our LGBTQ and transgender community in Colorado Springs. I am grappling with my feelings still and considering the people who have awoken each day since, to a world without their friend, partner, child, and family member (chosen and given). I will continue to grieve the people who have died at Club Q: Raymond Green Vance (he/him), Kelly Loving (she/her), Daniel Aston (he/him), Derrick Rump (he/him), and Ashley Paugh (she/ her). I will continue to reach out to community and extend and receive love.

As I sit with winter, what I want for our broader community is for us to be curious about the connections between individual experiences, ideology, institutions around us, and interpersonal dynamics. To engage in meaningful learning and unlearning. To connect the dots between acts of violence, unkind and disparaging rhetoric by politicians and other leaderships, organizational policies that impact the rights of various groups like the LGBTQ community, and our internalized beliefs about inferiority and superiority which shape things like how we treat certain groups.

Excitingly, I’ve been partnering with others to conduct interviews with diversity, equity, inclusion, and anti-oppression (DEIA) consultants/ coaches to understand the landscape. More to come on our findings. In one of the calls, someone reminded me that once you learn about systemic oppression and dominance, you can’t unlearn this. It shifts how we experience our world. This is a good thing, a gift.

May we keep heart. May we feel our feelings. May we choose meaningful learning and action. May we get curious about the wisdom of groups we may or may not belong to such as the LGBTQIA and Indigenous communities.

In love, Sarah

Read how Indigenous people and allies spent their morning in 2021 on Alcatraz Island off the mainland on the U.S. holiday Thanksgiving.